12 Stereotypically British Things We All Do Once It's Christmas
1) Christmas Lights
You mean I get to stand here with a random tourist's armpit in my face for three hours in the freezing cold to watch Paul from S Club turn a few lights on? SIGN ME UP!
2) Brussel Sprouts... For Some Reason
Let's be honest: Brussel sprouts are terrible. At any other point in the year, does anyone in Britain other than your nan think 'I want the flavour of an entire cabbage packed in to one bite-sized parcel'? Nope!
3) Casual Alcoholism
If you ain't Winston Churchill, drinking Champagne for breakfast ain't a good idea. No wonder your uncle gets to 11am on Christmas Day each year and needs to have a little tiger snooze underneath the tree.
4) Family Arguments
Everything was going so well! You're all pleasantly tipsy, presents hath been exchanged, family banter hath been had, and you're starting to feel guilty about dreading the big Christmas Day meet up. Then your privately educated socio anarchist cousin decides to bring up Brexit and all sweet shivering hell breaks loose.
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5) Sucking At Secret Santa
What do you mean novelty festive socks and a giant Toblerone aren't a good present?
6) Giant tubs of everything
A paltry packet of crisps or single chocolate bar? Oh no my dear shopkeep, it's December and that means no Brit is interested in crisps or chocolate that come in anything short of an industrial grade oil barrel. Seriously, what do Cheeselets and Roses do for the other 11 months of the year?
7) Annihilating A Terry's Chocolate Orange
Does anyone else unleash the entirety of the pent up aggression and existential angst they've accrued over the year when they open a Terry's Chocolate Orange by repeatedly smashing it in to the table like an angry Mafia enforcer? Just us? Moving swiftly on...
8) Generally Feasting Like It's 1499
When a 'light snack' consists of four mince pies and a doorstop sized piece of Christmas cake, you are in trouble. Don't even get us started on Christmas dinner – is there any other meal of the year where after a starter and main course that features nine different dishes, you round things off with pudding, a cheese board, chocolates, port, sherry and mulled wine? We hope not!
9) Christmas Crackers
You have to love a good old fashioned cardboard tube wrapped in tin foil and full of explosives – they're like a fun festive IED for kids!
10) Doing Something You'll Regret At The Office Christmas Party
Who knows what it is about an office Christmas party that turns usually reasonable and respectable employees in to a braying crowd of adolescent rugby lads, but whether it's accidentally getting off with your boss, breaking a table with some questionable disco dance moves or throwing up on Sharon from HR's shoes, the struggle is real.
11) Praying For Snow
Given our well documented obsession with the weather, Christmas wouldn't be Christmas without several weeks of daily speculation in the media on whether or not it'll snow. Who cares how Brexit is going, we're too busy dreaming of a white Christmas!
12) Complaining If It Does Snow
Right, you've got the obligatory snaps for The Gram and had a snowball fight, but it's too bloody cold outside now and everything is closed, bah humbug!
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