It's the time of year

now that spring is in the air

when those two wet gits

with their girly curly hair

Make another song

for moronic holidays

that nauseate-ate-ates

in a million different ways

From the shores of Spain

to the coast

of Southern France

no matter where you hide

you just can't

escape this dance

Hold a chicken in the air

stick a deckchair

up your nose

buy a jumbo jet

and then bury

all your clothes

Paint your left knee green

then extract

your wisdom teeth

form a string quartet

and pretend

your name is Keith

Skin yourself alive

learn to speak Arapahoe

climb inside a dog

and behead an Eskimo

Eat a Renault Four

wear salami in your ears

casserole your Gran

disembowel yourself

with spears

The disco is vibrating

the sound is loud

and grating

it's truly nauseating

let's do the dance again

Hold a chicken in the air

stick a deckchair

up your nose

yes, you'll hear this song

in the holiday discos

And there's no escape

in the clubs or in the bars

you would hear this song

if you holidayed in Mars

Skin yourself alive

learn to speak Arapahoe

climb inside a dog

and behead an Eskimo

Now you've heard it once

your brain will spring a leak

and though you

hate this song

you'll be humming

it for weeks

Hold a chicken in the air

stick a deckchair

up your nose

buy a jumbo jet

and then bury

all your clothes

La-la-la-la-la

la-la-la-la-la-la-la

la-la-la-la-la

la-la-la-la-la-la-la...