May I have your

attention please

may I have your

attention please

will the real Slim Shady

please stand up

I repeat

will the real Slim Shady

please stand up

we're gonna have

a problem here

Y'all act like you never

seen a white person before

jaws all on the floor

like Pam, like Tommy

just burst in the door

And started whoopin' her

ass worse than before

they first were divorced

throwin' her

over furniture

It's the return of the

ah, wait, no way

you're kidding

he didn't just say

what I think he did, did he

And Dr. Dre said

nothing you idiots

Dr. Dre's dead

he's locked in my basement

Feminist women

love Eminem

chigga-chigga-chigga

Slim Shady, I'm sick of him

Look at him, walkin' around

grabbin' his you-know-what

flippin' the you-know-who

yeah, but he's

so cute though

Yeah, I probably got

a couple of screws

up in my head loose

but no worse than

what's goin' on in

your parents' bedrooms

Sometimes

I wanna get on TV

and just let loose, but can't

but it's cool for Tom Green

to hump a dead moose

My bum is on your lips

my bum is on your lips

and if I'm lucky

you might just

give it a little kiss

And that's the

message that we

deliver to little kids

and expect them

not to know what

a woman's clitoris is

Of course they're gonna

know what intercourse is

by the time

they hit fourth grade

they got the discovery

channel, don't they

We ain't nothin'

but mammals

well, some of us cannibals

who cut other people open

like cantaloupes

But if we can hump dead

animals and antelopes

then there's no reason

that a man and

another man can't elope

But if you feel like I feel

I got the antidote

women, wave your pantyhose

sing the chorus and it goes

I'm Slim Shady

yes, I'm the real Shady

all you other Slim Shadys

are just imitating

So, won't the

real Slim Shady

please stand up

please stand up

please stand up

'Cause I'm Slim Shady

yes, I'm the real Shady

all you other Slim Shadys

are just imitating

So, won't the

real Slim Shady

please stand up

please stand up

please stand up

Will Smith don't gotta

cuss in his raps

to sell records

well, I do

so, f**k him

and f**k you too

You think I give a damn

about a Grammy

half of you critics

can't even stomach me

let alone stand me

But Slim, what if you win

wouldn't it be weird

why, so you guys can

just lie to get me here

So, you can sit me here

next to Britney Spears

sh**, Christina Aguilera

better switch me chairs

So, I can sit next to Carson

daly and Fred Durst

and hear 'em argue over

who she gave head to first

Little b**ch

put me on blast on MTV

yeah, he's cute

but I think he's married

to Kim, hee-hee

I should download

her audio on mp3

and show the whole world

how you gave Eminem VD

I'm sick of you little

girl and boy groups

all you do is annoy me

so, I have been sent here

to destroy you

And there's a million

of us just like me

who cuss like me

who just don't

give a f**k like me

Who dress like me

walk, talk and act like me

and just might be

the next best thing

but not quite me

I'm Slim Shady

yes, I'm the real Shady

all you other Slim Shadys

are just imitating

So, won't the

real Slim Shady

please stand up

please stand up

please stand up

'Cause I'm Slim Shady

yes, I'm the real Shady

all you other Slim Shadys

are just imitating

So, won't the

real Slim Shady

please stand up

please stand up

please stand up

I'm like a head trip

to listen to

'cause I'm only givin' you

things you joke about with

your friends inside

your living room

The only difference is

I got the balls to say it

in front of y'all and I

don't gotta be false

or sugar-coated at all

I just get on

the mic and spit it

and whether you like to

admit it, I just s**t it

better than ninety percent

of you rappers out can

Then you wonder

how can kids eat up

these albums like valiums

It's funny

'cause at the rate

I'm goin' when I'm thirty

I'll be the only person

in the nursin' home flirting

Pinchin' nurses asses

when I'm jackin'

off with Jergens

and I'm jerkin' but

this whole bag of

viagra isn't workin'

And every single person

is a Slim Shady lurkin'

he could be workin'

at Burger King

spittin' on your onion rings

Or in the parkin' lot

circling, screamin'

I don't give a f**k

with his windows down

and his system up

So, will the real Shady

please stand up

and put one of those

fingers on each hand up

And be proud to be

outta your mind

and outta control

and one more time

loud as you can

how does it go

I'm Slim Shady

yes, I'm the real Shady

all you other Slim Shadys

are just imitating

So, won't the

real Slim Shady

please stand up

please stand up

please stand up

'Cause I'm Slim Shady

yes, I'm the real Shady

all you other Slim Shadys

are just imitating

So, won't the

real Slim Shady

please stand up

please stand up

please stand up

'Cause I'm Slim Shady

yes, I'm the real Shady

all you other Slim Shadys

are just imitating

So, won't the

real Slim Shady

please stand up

please stand up

please stand up

'Cause I'm Slim Shady

yes, I'm the real Shady

all you other Slim Shadys

are just imitating

So, won't the

real Slim Shady

please stand up

please stand up

please stand up

Ha, ha

guess there's a

Slim Shady in all of us

f**k it, let's all stand up