Phwoar there's something

funny round 'ere

What is it?

Oh it's you

come 'ere

and sit down

You're gonna 'ave

the truth told about you

and put on record

'Ere, please do not sit

too close to me

I've just 'ad my breakfast

thank you

Who put salt

in the sugar bowl?

Who put fireworks

in the coal?

Who put a real live

toad-in-the-'ole?

My brother!

Who put jam

in mother's shoe?

Who made real

caterpillar stew?

Who locked Grandad

in the loo?

My brother!

My brother said

it wasn't he

who put shampoo

in Grandma's tea

My brother said

that it was me

my brother's rotten

Who squeezed toothpaste

round the hall?

Who put soot

in the baby's ball?

Who drew things

on the garden wall?

My brother!

You wanna see

what he drew

phwoar

what a surprise

Nobody knew what

it was really

but everybody

'ad a jolly good idea

An' 'e wrote slogans

"Down with

young mothers"

that was one

'Cos 'e don't think

my mum knows 'ow

to bring us up right

I don't think so either

You know every night

when we're wide awake

she makes us go to bed

And then in the morning

when we're fast asleep

she makes us get up

Whose pet mouse

made Auntie shriek?

Who ate glue

and couldn't speak?

What clever dick

was sick for a week?

My brother!

Who keeps maggots

in a tin?

Plays the twist

on 'is violin?

Who's been gettin'

at the gin?

My brother!

He looks just like

a chimney sweep

but dirt, they say

is just skin deep

I know he's good

when he's asleep

But you don't know

what he's dreamin'

about do ya?

Who wouldn't mind

if I ride his bike?

Who let's me shoot

his gun if I like?

Who says I'm best

at football, ludo,

snakes ladders,

'ide seek

Chasin' each other

up an' down the garden

pinching little girls

up the 'igh street

Well he's gotta say

I'm best 'cos I'm bigger

than 'e is an' if 'e don't

say I'm best at everything

I'll bash 'im ha ha

My lovely

lovely brother

Come on, come on mate

let's get you out of 'ere

before you fall down

the 'ole in the middle

Come on

give us yer 'and

we're gonna walk

'Ere, 'ere, what 'ave you

'ad in yer 'and?

'Ave yer?

Phwoar!!