My mother said

that I never should

Play with the naughty rude

girls in the wood

Their giggling talk

I could never understand

And that's why I fell in love

with my right hand

And that's why...

I'm a winker, I'm a winker

And it does me good

like it bloody well should

I'm a winker, I'm a winker

And I'm always pulling my pud

I was twenty five years old

before I was kissed

And then I found

that I preferred

a swift one off the wrist

It's cheap and convenient

you can't catch VD

It's available at any time

and it's absolutely free

And that's why....

I'm a winker, I'm a winker

And it does me good

like it bloody well should

I'm a winker, I'm a winker

And I'm always pulling my pud

Oh Mrs. Palm

and your five lovely daughters

Thank you for having me

and being oh so kind

I've got pains in my arms

and my dong is growing shorter

My knees have turned to water

and I think I'm going blind

I've winked over Italy

I've winked over Spain

I've winked in an omnibus

I've even had a wink on a train

I've used a badger

and a melon and a cat

An inflatable Linda Lovelace

and a Davy Crockett hat

And that's why....

I'm a winker, I'm a winker

And it does me good

like it bloody well should

I'm a winker, I'm a winker

And I'm always pulling my pud

'ere listen

Oh Mrs. Palm

and your five lovely daughters

Thank you for having me

and being oh so kind

I've got pains in my arms

and my dong is growing shorter

My knees have turned to water

and I think I'm going blind

I'm a winker, I'm a winker

And it does me good

like it bloody well should

I'm a winker, I'm a winker

And I'm always pulling my pud

I'm a winker, I'm a winker

And it does me good

like it bloody well should

I'm a winker, I'm a winker

And I'm always pulling my pud

I'm a winker, I'm a winker

And it does me good

like it bloody well should

I'm a winker, I'm a winker

And I'm always pulling my pud

I'm a winker, I'm a winker

I bloody well should

I'm always pulling my pud