I am the very model of

a modern Major-General

I've information

vegetable, animal

and mineral

I know the kings of

England and I quote the

fights historical from

Marathon to Waterloo

in order categorical

I'm very well

acquainted too with

matters mathematical

I understand equations

both the simple

and quadratical

About binomial theorem

I'm teeming with

a lot o' news

With many cheerful

facts about the

square of

the hypotenuse

I'm very good at

integral and

differential calculus

I know the scientific

names of

beings animalculous

In short, in matters

vegetable, animal

and mineral I am the

very model of a

modern Major-General

I know our mythic history

King Arthur's and

Sir Caradoc's

I answer hard acrostics

I've a pretty taste

for paradox

I quote in elegiacs

all the crimes

of Heliogabalus

in conics I can floor

peculiarities parablous

I can tell undoubted

Raphaels from

Gerard Dows

and Zoffanies

I know the croaking

chorus from the

Frogs of Aristophanes

Then I can hum a fugue

of which I've heard

the music's din afore

And whistle all the

airs from that infernal

nonsense Pinafore

Then I can write a

washing bill in

Babylonic cuneiform

and tell you every detail

of Caractacus's uniform

In short, in matters

vegetable, animal

and mineral I am the

very model of a

modern Major-General

In fact, when I know

what is meant by

"mamelon" and "ravelin"

When I can tell at

sight a Mauser rifle

from a javelin

When such affairs as

sorties and surprises

I'm more wary at

And when I know

precisely what is

meant by "commissariat"

When I have learnt

what progress has

been made in

modern gunnery

When I know more

of tactics than a

novice in a nunnery

In short, when I've

a smattering of

elemental strategy

SPEAK:

Strategy?

Battegy, chattegy

Ah!

SING:

You'll say a better

Major-General has

never sat a gee

For my

military knowledge

though I'm plucky

and adventury

Has only been brought

down to the beginning

of the century

But still, in matters

vegetable, animal

and mineral I am the

very model of a

modern Major-General