When you score with

a chick in a disco bar

take her home in

your hairy little car

Then you find you

went to school with

her Ma and PA

you're the oldest

swinger in town

When you won't

look in a mirror

in the light of day

swear you dyed it

when your hair turns grey

When you zip up

your Wranglers and

your belly's in the way

you're the oldest

swinger in town

Here you come

and there you go

wire wheel-spokes

and a stereo

But the engine's clapped

and the driver also

is the oldest

swinger in town

When your barber takes

a little less time each week

the kids don't understand

a word you speak

When you walk into a disco

and they offer you a seat

you're the oldest

swinger in town

You prefer a pint of mild

to Bacardi and coke

the sounds are too loud

and there's too much smoke

You'd like another dance

but you're scared

you'll have a stroke

you're the oldest

swinger in town

Here you come

with your chest all bare

a little gold ingot

and a lot of gold hair

Like the disco king

meets Yogi bear

you're the oldest

swinger in town

When you're feeling as

stiff as a skinhead's boot

rub on Vick where

you used to splash brut

And the latest punk

fashion is your wedding suit

you're the oldest

swinger in town

When you have

to go shopping

for your sex appeal

Travolta shades

and nine-inch heels

You say a man is just as

old as the woman he feels

you're the oldest

swinger in town

Here you come with

your lips closed tight

you never smile

you know it

wouldn't look right

'Cause your dentures glow

in ultra-violet light

you're the oldest

swinger in town

oldest swinger in town

And you look so mean

'cause your pants

are too tight

you're the oldest

swinger in town

And it takes you all night

to do what you used

to do all night

you're the oldest

swinger in town...